Yesterday in church the priest said something that I cannot get out of my head. He said to love God like you love yourself. The first thing that came to mind is , "I don't want to love God like I love myself, that isn't fair to anybody". I would rather love God like I love my nephew and my friends' children. I love them unconditionally. I never think that they are stupid. I never think that they are not talented. I never think they are ugly. I never think they are fat. I never think that they don't dress well enough. I never think they don't make an impact in the world because they have all made an impact in mine. These children are precious in my sight and in Gods. They are smart, funny, beautiful people that for some reason think I am also "fun and nice".

It made me think why do I hold myself at a higher "standard" if you will than I would other people or even my relationship with God. I can't blame everything on relationships that I have had where I have been called stupid and ugly. I can't blame my parents, who in their wisdom have said to me when I have been sad or overwhelmed "Life could be worse, you could be fat or ugly". I can't blame everything on the media, magazines, TV and movies that glamorize a certain type of woman.

What I can do is try to change my thoughts, and try to see how God would see me, which would still be very flawed, but to try and realize that He loves me unconditionally like I love my "kids". Also if I can realize that the standards that I hold myself to are unfair, then I can try to change those standards. Though really some people are not made to wear skinny jeans, no matter what. I can try not to think of myself in negative terms, and think more of my positive aspects, though, trying to change patterns that have been learned over many years is very difficult, and I am sure I will slip up (I know, positive thinking). It is amazing to me that one comment in a sermon can make someone reevaluate their way of thinking, and how you can be your own worst enemy. I will have to be held accountable for my criticisms of myself, knowing I wouldn't think those of my best friends, so I should not think those things of myself.